The Reality Creation “Time Delay”

I have a little trouble, as many people do, grasping the whole concept of “living in the now”.  The idea of creating your own reality, as I understand it, is living in the moment in every aspect and in every moment.  This concept also includes the notion that everything  we experience and encounter is of our own creation, something we bring (create) into our existence for one reason or another – at any given time.  Many writers and life-coaches that practice this will often discuss this thing I know as a Time Delay.  Basically, there is a delay in time between the people and circumstances we want to bring into our lives because, if there were no delay, we would all be living in chaos every minute of the day.  Think about it, if every desire (or undesired) came our way as soon as we thought of it – it would be pure chaos due to the swinging thoughts and emotions that drive many of these desires.  It is also a great reality check of what we really want and what we don’t really want, as well as which areas of ourselves harbor incredible resistances with regard to things we desire.

Example: You want a dream job doing _______.  You have a current job, you aren’t happy there, yet you are not making the effort or taking the necessary steps to find this dream job.  Perhaps this is because you don’t actually think you deserve it or you don’t think you can actually obtain it.  Without the belief that you CAN have this job, you will never get it.  However, if you don’t demonstrate your belief in having it (aka giving notice at your current job, preparing for the new job) you still won’t obtain it.  You must act and feel as if you already have it – and you will.  Now, imagine that you lost your job moments after dreaming about this ideal position you really want.  Are you ready for it?  Probably not…

About two months ago, I started a new job with an insurance defense law firm, which is my favorite area of the law!  After a few weeks in this position, I started to think “oh my god, I don’t want another desk job!  This is not what I am meant to be doing!”  I verbalized this a handful of times and my enthusiasm for the job quickly dwindled.  Two weeks into the position, I was let go for no apparent reason other than it just “wasn’t a good fit”.  When I left work, I was bawling and was in total disbelief.  I was the only provider for my two girls, the only one who paid the rent, and my source of income had just vanished.  I was scheduled to go pick up my brand new car that afternoon after work and I was totally mortified on all ends.  After about two hours of telling myself, “this is what you asked for, you want to be a full time artist and you got it”, I felt collective and grateful for the opportunity to leave this job without having to quit.  I even went to my appointment with the car dealer that afternoon and discovered that the car I was about to buy wasn’t even what I *really* wanted.

I didn’t understand the meaning and importance of a time delay until this experience.  I did, however, walk away with knowing two important things.  1: I rock at manifesting what I want.  2: If I am prepared to receive what I truly want, I will be ready and waiting, not caught off-guard.  As of today, I am home full time and working for myself.  Most importantly, when I meet new people, I am happy when they ask me what I do for a living and I can respond “I am an artist, I work for myself!”

Advertisements

Reality Creation & The Red Wolf

Admittedly, this is a pretty “outside of the box” sort of post.   Try to follow, if you can!

I recently read “The Map” by Boni Lonnsbury (www.livealifeyoulove.com) and it has been turning my world upside down.  This particular story is something I feel I must share!

Seriously though, this book has caused total chaos in my personal and professional life… in a GREAT way!

This is the first reality creation book that has really struck a cord for me, causing me to meditate more regularly (and enthusiastically!)  and really allowing me a better look at my views/perspectives on the world, as well as on myself.  Not only have I successfully identified some of my most complicated core beliefs and resistances, but I have learned how to change them!  That’s not all – I have been seeing immediate results all around me ever since I started.  I am currently in the most wonderful position at a new law firm, have made several new friends just in the last week, get complimented by total strangers at least twice a day, and even appear differently to my own eyes every time I look in the mirror.

Do I have your attention yet?  Just wait,  It gets better.

The other day, I was sitting in traffic and feeling a little down.  I turn off my audio book and I think to myself, “Nadia you need to figure out what is holding you back and what is holding you in such a negative place.  What resistance is causing this?  I think I know what it is … you don’t think you’re in control of your universe – you don’t actually believe in reality creation, even though you desperately want to”.

For the record, I didn’t actually talk to myself, just my thought process here.

And then it happened… I look to my right, where there is a field of farmland… and I see a wolf.  There is a wolf walking around these small sprouting trees and it turns in my direction just long enough for me to see the face.  My heart nearly jumped through my mouth and I said aloud, “holy shit is that a wolf?!”.  I watched it for a few moments and then traffic started to move, prompting me to continue on to work.

Thanks to Google, I did determine that I had just seen a red wolf.  So, just so you can fully grasp the magnitude of this experience, please know that there is an estimated 300 of these creatures on the entire planet and they are considered to be critically endangered at this time.  There are no known populated locations outside of those in captivity.

 

And there you have it, folks.  My mind has been blown.

 

https://i1.wp.com/www.dreamingofwolves.com/images/adultredwolf-smaller.jpg

Each Painting Has a Story

A friend of mine suggested that I create a blurb about each finished painting that I have available for sale to give customers some background knowledge and story behind their purchased piece.  My first reaction was “no, there are too many emotions attached to these paintings and I cannot handle revisiting them right now”.  Well, as it turns out, emotions are OK.  I can totally handle recapping these beautiful moments of my life because they will continue to be beautiful – and maybe they will allow a little extra appreciation by the viewer.

As it stands, I have 5 original fully finished paintings.  They are hanging in the Endever Furniture & Design store, in Orlando, Florida, and are for sale (FYI!).  These five are also the subjects of my current stock of prints (reproductions) that I keep with me to sell at shows and portfolio flaunting.  As I create a new painting, I will create a new “bio” to accompany it.

Currently, my prints can be purchased here.

Bare with me on this, lots of emotions are due to flow.

Painting # 1:

My first love, and my first finished painting too!

“Our Road”; 20 x 16 Watercolor and Mixed Media on Canvas; Please inquire for price.

This road is known as the Heavenly Road to Hana, The Hana Highway, and to me it is known as “Our Road”.  Our first full day on Maui, back in June 2013, started with a full blown road trip around the island.  You would think that would be a short drive, only the non stop cliff-side and one-way bridges make things a little tricky!  I was the passenger in our rental Jeep and I thought I was going to have a full blown panic attack after just a few minutes of being the observer.  We stopped at every cool trail and road side attraction that appealed to us, including the Garden of Eden and Twin Falls.  We had no cell reception, or really anything beyond the cartoony tourist style map I received earlier that morning at the coffee cart we found around 5 am.

After I moved to Maui, I drove that road many times by myself, with my kids, and even with my dog.  It sounds silly, and perhaps a little crazy, but the beauty and magic was not there without my best friend- so I painted it instead.

This painting represents the many breathtaking moments from that first journey to Maui; where we turned a corner on a foreign road or we took that step forward that brought us just over a hill, and in the same moment we both exclaimed, “Wow”, every time.  This one was painted for Dan.

Painting # 2:

“Oahu Trail”; 20 x 16 Watercolor and Mixed Media on Canvas; Please inquire for price.

Fast forward 6 months from the last scene.  I have returned from Maui and have decided that I am going to move there.  After the road trip, full relocation, and endless self exploration, we are once again in the jungle of Hawaii exploring ourselves and one another (let’s use a spiritual context for the moment).  I have been alone on Oahu for a few weeks, devastated at my loneliness and questioning my whole plan to relocate there – to relocate so far from my best friend.  He flies out to see that I am OK and  we spend a glorious 10 days exploring the depths of one another and becoming acquainted as much more than just the best friends we have grown into.  My feelings for him hit me with a ferocity I do not know how to handle.  During the last few days of his visit,  we road one hell of an emotional roller-coaster together.   The day of this hike was especially brutal and there was as much darkness as there is light.

This painting displays the beauty as well as the cold I felt during this hike.  It really portrays the way I allowed myself to subdue beautiful and loving emotions in my attempt to save face.

Continue reading

Another Show Booked!

I am very happy to share that I have another show booked for October!

Information on that show can be found here:

www.rawartists.org/nadiadoe

Also, I am updating my website to reflect art that I have for sale, as well as other happy details on my progress.  Take a peek:

www.toimagineistobe.com

As if my good news could not get any better, I have also just found out that I might be showing a number of pieces in Waikiki in January.  Ill post more information about that as I get it!

Flyer RAW copy

My First Show!

I have great news today – I booked my first art show in Orlando!  I have included a photo of my promotional poster below!  By using promotional code 20OFFDOE, you get $20 off! 

DRIP POSTER

The Start of Lucid Dreams

As I continue to draft my conclusion to the life chapter of my trip across the country (to Maui), I wanted to keep with sharing my dreams… which seem to get more vivid as I resume meditation and acupuncture on a regular basis. As soon as I wake up, I take pen to paper and write without thinking about it. Sometimes I can recall more later and sometimes I don’t even remember writing in the first place! It is pretty interesting. Here is one from yesterday, and although somewhat dark, it is valuable insight into my subconscious:

I’m swimming with alligators. Watching the attacks with moderate indifference. I am painting them, but with no passion or direction. I’m in a compound or village. It is not my time frame and it feels very “mystical”. People talk and speak as if magic is involved.

I invite people to me birthday party. It is important to me and I am excited to have them come. So are my two friends. No one can come. We decide to throw one together for us. It’s a male and female friend. It is just the three of us in the end.

I am in an auditorium. I’m a spectator to what I think is a false show. I’ve just come from the top floor where there was a fire brewing. I recall taking the elevator. People are taking my cigs to smoke them. I’m annoyed. When the windows open (it feels like I’m in the back seat of a car in some way, even though I am in this giant auditorium). I fear that the ashes will burn me. I can feel them burning my face. We are watching a movie on a projector mounted to the stage. I’m controlling it. I know this movie is for me and it is not meant for the rest of them but I just keep letting it play and letting the whole audience remain entertained. We are evacuated but I’m worried about him. He stayed up there with her. I watch it as it plays out, like a movie unraveling. I watch him go, he goes for sex with her. He offers me to come. I decline. I feel and project indifference but I know I am very sad.

At a different time… We go back to the area where it started. It is a manhunt and a sift through devastation. The place is a mess. It is not familiar and feels like a flat or penthouse type apartment. There is no sign of them. No sign of life. I know they’ve left. We can’t find my dogs right away. They’re sleeping and/or hiding in the bathroom under a bunch of clutter.

I think about my last encounter with them. The woman he is now involved with was sloppy in appearance and says “ok who’s turn is it to get me pregnant?” He submits. I’m severely disgusted and I feel queasy. I back down and I let him go. I don’t feel good about it. Too much regret. Guilt. Heartbreak. Confusion. Abandoned. Deceived.

Went to bed late. Woke up feeling numb and empty.

Wait, I DID drive across the United States!

There has been no one life experience that compares to my drive from Connecticut to California… In the VW Golf… with my two 100 pound dogs.  I did not think it was possible, even for my crazy multi-personality self, to experience quite so many emotions in such a short period of time!

Realistically, it was not a good idea for me to plan on documenting that trip on a daily basis.  It was far too hectic between having to stop for a doggy pee break every two hours and scrambling to find safe hotels that allowed my fur children each night.  Plus seeing the sights along the way!  I crept in and out of different hotels late at night (usually through a back door) with my dogs, who barked at just about everyone lol.  It was both the most exhausting and the most exciting thing on earth.   I had never left Connecticut without the physical and emotional support of someone else and driving across the country was a huge deal for me.  So I will share a few things about it:

1.  New Mexico is the scariest place on earth.  The vibes were bad, the spontaneous storms were terrifying, I drove through what appeared to be the Manhattan Project,  and I am pretty sure I spent more than 90% of my time in that state on the phone with my best friend seeking comfort.

2.  I never want to see funnel clouds again.  Ever.

3.  Route 666 aka “the devils highway”  is no joke, just don’t drive it.   I witnessed a murder on the side of the road, blood everywhere, and get this- there was no car involved.  Holy. Crap.

4.  Don’t go to Vegas alone, it is a totally depressing experience.  I even stayed at the Bellagio and saw Kobe Bryant.  But.  I wished desperately to have someone to share it with.

5.  The same advice applies to Nevada heading to CA.  Just don’t drive it alone.  People were following me and asking odd and invasive questions every time I stopped off somewhere.  Nevada had similar dark vibes, just like NM.

6.  Death Valley is when things started getting shit-your-pants scary.  The dogs started snapping and snarling at each other, out of nowhere, and I had no cell service for nearly 4 hours.  The roads were similar to the “Heavenly Road to Hana”, but without the beauty or comfort of the jungle.  At least that is how I felt at 2 am when I drove through!

7.  Yosemite and the Sequoia National Park are probably the most beautiful places I have ever seen on the mainland.   When you think of giant redwood trees that you could drive a car through, you’re thinking of Sequoia.

8.  The grand canyon was breathtaking….  But it felt super creepy in every town that surrounded it.  I even drove through tribal lands that had cameras and gates everywhere- even though the road was a public highway.  I felt like I was being watched… think “The Hills Have Eyes” sort of watched.

9.  Graceland was not as glamorous as I thought it would be and I had no idea that it was quite inaccessible?

10.  I am totally ready to make that road trip again.  Only this time it won’t be with dogs and I must have my best friend by my side, as originally intended.

 

The total trip took about 10 days.  I went through 9 audio books, some of which I will have to share- because they were awesome.   George Orwell’s 1984; Jenny Lawson’s Let’s Pretend This Never Happened; Tina Fey’s Bossypants; Michael Newton’s Destiny of Souls and Journey of Souls”.  All were phenomenal books and Jenny Lawson was a perfect fit for my drive through Tennessee.

Putting my dogs on a plane was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.  I was a total wreck and wished for someone to tell me they would just be ok.  Well, in all fairness, the baggage claim guy hugged me several times and told me he would escort them to the plane himself.  He was really trying hard to comfort me and I was grateful for it.

Arriving in Honolulu was…well…an incredible mixture of relief, comfort, sadness, and grief.  Since my best friend had told me he would do the road trip with me, I anticipated his company upon arrival to HNL.  Needless to say, he bailed on me – I guess I really should have seen that coming, as he was NOT happy to see me relocate to Hawaii, for reasons I shall discuss later.

When I walked out of the airport that day, it only conjured up thoughts of how we had spent the last summer in Hawaii and the happiness (and wholeness) that accompanied it.   I *knew* with a certainty that it was my home and I bawled upon arrival, but somehow I did not feel complete without him there by my side.  I had plenty of money in the bank to start job and apartment hunting.  I could stay at hotels and eat food- even rent a jeep until my car arrived!  I still felt like something was missing. ..

A few days in, after making friends with literally everyone staying at the Courtyard Marriott in Waikiki, I begged Dan to fly out and just be there with me.  I needed him.  On Halloween, he finally arrived.  He let me pick out our costumes prior to his arrival and he happily went along with the whole big charade of festivities on Waikiki Beach.  Side note: the festivities there are unreal.  The whole city is in party mode and the best costumes are worn.  We dressed up as a roman god/goddess.

That was one of the most significant nights of my life.  That was the night I realized, after 15 years of being my friend-zoned BFF, that I loved this man.  I realized that I could not live without him by my side.   Perhaps these feelings were nothing new to our friendship, but it was the first time I allowed myself to embrace it in the ways he had hoped I would for so many years.

Halloween 2013 in Waikiki Beach, HI

Halloween 2013 in Waikiki Beach, HI

 

 

 

 

It is about time I suppose!

This may or may not be the most challenging post I will ever write.  Not only is it about time for me to go into depth over my journey across the world (ok, halfway across the world) and how it resulted in me living on the East Coast again six months later… but, I should probably come to terms with some of the outcomes in or with myself.

So, in a “Classic Nadia” maneuver, I am going to bail on telling you that depressing story just now.  Instead, someone who I love and respect very much has suggested that I share a little of my dream journaling here on the blog and see how that goes over.  Perhaps there will be a future blog dedicated to this crazy shit that goes on in my head as I sleep.  All I can say is that Freud would have a damn field day with this information.

Happy reading!  

 

Thursday 5/22/14

I was pulling up to the house I grew up in – in Newington.  I was driving (alone) in a pickup truck with a large teddy bear hanging over the cab and I think it was planted in the bed of the truck – so it was pretty big.  I felt there to be an association with Evan’s wedding.  I felt like I was coming home.  I was elated.  I remember Eric saying something- either in front of that house or in my head- along the lines of “hey, how come I never get to do that?”  He seemed to feel left out.  I just remember so much happiness about the homecoming and so much relief.  Dan was somehow associated with the situation, though I am not sure how or why.  … I went to bed scared (the Anna situation) and woke up very slowly with a feeling of contentment and happy in a calm way.

Monday 6/9/14

Big old creepy house. Southern. Feelings of waiting and competing. Mailman   Many locking doors.  Later, I added:  At one point I felt like I was being scrutinized, waiting to be scolded for going to retrieve the mail— but I was not.  I just remember how hard it was to lock the multifaceted door. They were large, locks at top and bottom, old raggity curtains, and were part of a huge old building.  Not a home, just a “place”.  There was a big parking lot where I watched the others go back and forth from their car to the inside.. knowing they were doing the same as me.  At one point I was walking out from a parking garage, took a left instead of right, and ran into this woman who said “it was you, you are the naked girl I see all the time”.  She points at this large apartment building (very modern looking) and says that you can see in from the outside, in to every unit, and you can see everything.  I felt like I had been being watched in my most private moments and it turned me upside down.  I felt violated.  I told someone else about this encounter (perhaps heather) and it seemed to be no big deal.  Dan was driving me around for a period of time around a different parking lot and we were searching for an amusement park.  They were to close in 30 minutes but we spent so much time scouring and looking for what we wanted that they ended up closing before we go it. Went to bed totally out of sorts (issues with Dan and ethical dilemma about sleeping @ the house with Eric/dogs/kids.  Woke up a little startled and had to remove myself to collect my thoughts.  No drinking the night before.

Wednesday 6/11/14

Woke up at 4:44. Again at 6. Dreamt about excavations in living room. Big hole that churned dirt and sucked in from the outside. Tessa got startled and fell in by accident. I wake as I struggle to pull her out.

Considering travel. With a man who is wealthy confident. Wearing a jean skirt and odd sandals? It’s his culture I decide. Were at a bar contemplating Italy. He tells me I can do anything I want. I leave to go find a drink.

I begin crawling on hands and knees around dilapidated pool tables. It smells. I can’t stand because I slip and fall so I have to crawl. Some others must do the same but I feel alone in my efforts.

I’m crawling to reach a destination in not familiar with. The building goes into lockdown and the man I love literally helps me to my feet and comforts me that it’ll be ok. When we are told to exit the building we don’t know why but we obey. I find Persephone chained to a street bench or pole in front of a school? She has been left there so she won’t run away and so she will be safe. I slowly untie her and soothe her, she looks terrified and exhausted.

I’m on top of him on the couch. I’m being loved on. He talks of meeting his family and going here or there with him. He loves me and I him. He wants me to take my kids too because he enjoys having them around. I’m reluctant and excited and nervous all at once. I feel like I’m holding back but don’t know why. He still kisses and coaxes me. Then mom walks into the room and I scramble off him (I’m laying flat on top of him on a couch) to maintain my dignity.

My grandmother showed up more than once. We didn’t know she was outside waiting to be let in. She just wanted to help and to see us.

Went to bed sober with a sense of loss (re dan). Think I’ve come to terms with the loss but it’s still not easier. Woke at 444 feeling startled and in a panic. More slowly at 6 even though my last image was pulling Tessa from sinking sand. The dreams feel so heavy with despair and sorrow… So much panic and loss.

Saturday 6/14/14

Really disturbing dream.. I dreamt that this guy I was with. Not loved and not dan or anyone I know now… Was having sex with Alex or maybe not Alex but my child. I asked why over and over again. He said why not. She’s in a safe comfortable environment. I probed and kept asking why. Nothing. I don’t understand and I dont understand why he is unmoved by my horrification.

Different time in the dream.. I went down on someone. Might of been the guy above?  He came quickly and without warning in my mouth. I did it for reasons that make him happy not me. And to make someone else jealous. Who? I was disgusted with him and with myself.

Different segment……I’m with him. The one. I’m upset but calmer than I was. We are at the movies surrounded by people. The movie starts. I let him pick it and it’s a classic action film. Them I show him my text messages and say “as soon as I started crying about 15 people texted me … It’s like they know I am not ok”. He was mortified and says you were crying? why?  He is genuinely concerned. I play dumb and I evade him I am ashamed? Embarrassed? I don’t want him to know why I was crying… I think it was because of him? He loves me. He gives me that I care about you look. I make an excuse and shuffle out of the theater. I don’t let him follow.

Went up bed late and upset re: Dan has ended it. He doesn’t want me or my life to mesh with his. Had several beers. I feel foggy tired and sad.

Sunday 6/22/2014

I’m in a mountain and living in a cabin. We don’t get snowed in at this area of the mountain but my mom is concerned we will.  I recall this being a topic of my phone conversation with her.  I am surrounded by friends here and lots of love.  I feel at home.

I talk with my friends about the treacherous driving on the days where the weather gets dicey, we agree that the cliffs are hard to drive or look down from at times.  They don’t seem to bother me now.  We are talking as we are on public transportation somewhere.. a train?  A bus?  

Scene changes – I’m trying to be convinced to buy a jeep. The economics of it doesn’t make sense to me but my co-workers/boss won’t back down. They tell me I live too far from the office and “just buy one”.

At some point, I’m waiting for food delivery, and I am absolutely starving.

The scene changes.  I have a massive living room. I’ve been here before in dream, many times.  Again, a sense of home and my own space.   Other people keep coming into it and I try to help accommodate them but I know it’s my space. I keep the curtains open, I love the light.  I feed them.  I comfort them when they are in my space.

The dream changes.  I get an email from one of Eric’s friends.  He tells me to look at his comments or a photograph posted on April 12th.  I do not now see an importance regarding that date.  He remarks about this one, as it urks him – he says it’s been bothering him or eating him. In my dream, I know what he’s speaking of- it’s a photo of Eric, maybe a photo of us or of him and kids, and it’s no longer the truth. He’s no longer my husband nor my love.

I am walking up behind a black pickup truck.. It is newer, and parked in our driveway.  It is surrounded by other cars.   Theres a cooler on the ground behind it. He comes out to find me (the one, its Dan as I know him to be). He is cheerful and tells me he won’t take shower with me, it doesn’t make sense.  He changes his mind. Of course we will, a “duh” look crosses his face. He says that as long as we go to the Eco cottage, where no one can hear us over the noise of the generator, of course he will shower with me.  He’s light and happy.  He loves me.

We live in our house.  There’s a party occurring. He’s in the center of the house, which displays an outdoor patio … it is surrounded by glass doors that open to our home.  He is sitting with friends and laughing, being loud, and discussing who is the best villainous actor. I hear Vince Vaughn.  I laugh.   I head outside to empty the vacuum because I was cleaning up as people were enjoying the party.  It was one of those cheap roller vacuum type things that they have at restaurants.  I find the compartment of the vacuum missing it’s cover and when I go to empty it, I realize it hasn’t been picking anything up as I used it.  It feels humorous and ironic but doesn’t bother me in the least.   I feel good. I feel whole. We are in the mountains but it’s not cold. Not jungle. It’s dry.   I have never been anywhere like it.  Arizona type climate without the heat?  I wake up feeling love.  Only one beer before bed, stayed up really late painting, and feeling a mixture of worry and content with the day’s events.  

 

Wwoofing Our Way In

When I got back from Hawaii, I told my husband about my latest discovery- Wwoofing.  I learned, while staying in my first eco-cottage (which was way cool and seriously eye-opening), that there were people who traveled around the world using a work-trade program called wwoofing.  This is where you work on an organic farm in exchange for room and board.  I felt so confused as to why I was never informed about this program!

And then I remembered that I grew up in Connecticut and I was taught that the mere idea of an outhouse was deplorable- never mind one that turns your poo into fertilizer!  It still makes me laugh when I get a funny look from a friend or family member when I say share our plan to work on a farm.  I am actually a bit sad that people in my life are so surprised that I am interested in or capable of such an endeavor!

The circumstances, accommodations, workload, hours, and food provided to you can vary quite a bit.  We signed up “as a family” on wwoofhawaii.org and recently I have been sending emails to a number of farms/communities on both Maui and Oahu in search of a place that can accommodate our semi-complicated family.  This turns out to be so much harder than I bargained for.  Either the locations aren’t equipped for kids, or they aren’t prepared to take our dogs.

Back to the drawing board…. but keeping my fingers crossed in the meantime!

The start of today… And the end. :-). Next stop- San Antonio!

imageimage

Emptying the House and Related Chaos

image

 

Here is one of the two dumpsters we had to rent just to throw out all of our accumulated crap.  That feels pretty disgusting to me as well- I assure you.

Moving to Maui : Day 1 of the cross country road trip

I will fill this in further when I arrive at my in-laws tomorrow (San Antonio!) but the last few days can be summed up using a series of pictures. I now lay on a comfy holiday inn bed with my two dogs, two days behind schedule, and in Knoxville, TN. Below is a summary of my feelings about my last day of work. My last day at work

Starting with Maui

So I had a realization last week about the blog, Hawaii, and my website. I came to the conclusion that I had not recapped on my vacation because I was too scared to do so. I knew that if I went back and replayed my time in Maui and on the Big Island, it would make me sad because my heart is very much still there. This hit me after I went out that night to see an old co-worker (and friend) of mine who had just left the law firm we worked for. He left his great paying job with benefits to start his own firm, with no clients, minimal savings, and just took on a part-time bartending job to make up the difference.  It was probably the most inspiring thing I have ever seen.  I saw him that night as a radiant and happy man I had never before met!  And then it hit me.

On my way home, I called my husband and said, “why are we waiting?  Why don’t we just go to Hawaii now?” Not only did he agree, but he then suggested cashing out his retirement in just picking up and going immediately. The next day I gave notice at my job.

I will post more about my upcoming adventure and cross-country drive to California, which I am taking alone with my two dogs, but right now I need to relive my time in Hawaii lol…

We were scheduled to fly out June 18th, the day after my birthday, and decided to spend that night in Manhattan so my best friend could celebrate with me.  We had some amazing Italian food and visited some of the coolest bars I have ever seen. I was having severe flight anxiety weeks before this trip and tiring myself out before the plane ride really helped to alleviate that.

I hate to leave out the details of Manhattan, but I am just too excited to dive into the best part of the story.

The airport and Honolulu was beyond words beautiful.  There were no windows anywhere and the entire terminal was open, with just a roof.  I immediately knew that I was in the right place. We hopped on a commuter flight to Maui, where we shared the cabin with just four other passengers. They were all middle-aged men who are professional golfers, and they had us cracking up the thirty minute flight.

Once we got to Maui we picked up our Jeep Wrangler, something that has always been a dream of mine.  Now we were ready to find our cottage rental!  [Side Note: For this trip I decided that I did not want stay at any hotels, so we went on this website and rented personal dwellings for the entire time on both islands.  By the way, I fully promote and endorse http://www.VRBO.com and suggest that everyone use it]  I will tell you more about our rental later, as it was so breathtaking that it truly deserves it’s own post.

We attempted to explore the island a little bit, but by that time it was dark and starting to rain.  Not to mention that many of the roads were unpaved and a little tricky in my first time driving a jeep!  With minimal energy to explore the unfamiliar roads, we surrendered for a nap and decided we were instead going to get up early to visit the summit of Mount Haleakala at 4 am.  Since our biological clocks were already turned around, it seems like the perfect time to do that!

It was on our way to the summit and roughly 4:30 in the morning when I encountered the most significant part of the trip, the true first synchronicity of my life. My best friend – who has a name, by the way, it is Dan-  was on his phone arguing with one of his employees after having something go wrong at the office.  I was trying to navigate unfamiliar roads in the dark, with no cell phone service, and trying to tune him out. lol.  I stopped at a small stand called Crater Coffee for my morning dose of caffeine and came across the most pleasant man I have ever met in my life.  I stood there and talked to him for about 20 minutes about the beauty of the island.  Several tourists drove by hastily or stopping to ask “how much further is it?”, but he didn’t seem to mind.  I bought a muffin and a souvenir mug of coffee, which I still keep on my desk at work, but felt compelled to ask him what HIS favorite places were in Maui.  I didn’t want tourist spots; I wanted to see the real beauty and heart of the island.  He took out one of his free souvenir maps and began circling, making notes, and crossing out locations around this cutesy map of Maui.  He even wrote in a few places that weren’t labeled!

I expressed my gratitude and we went on our way to find the most breathtaking sunrise of my life.

–See a picture here! This is the real deal, my friends, and taken with my iPhone camera lol– Image

Shortly after descending the mountain, we looked to this handwritten map provided to me by the man at Crater Coffee, which led to some of the most incredible and unmistakably magical experiences of my life.

 

 

Crater Coffee

Sedona. Whoa!

Sedona. Whoa!

I do have my next blog drafted, believe it or not, and do intend to finally begin my tale about Hawaii lol and my period of temporary enlightenment.. However, my spontaneous trip to Sedona this weekend with my husband yielded many pics worth sharing. Here’s just one! I mean, wow!

My path? Our road? Either way, the beauty lies in what’s there as well as what’s ahead. My latest painting!

My path? Our road? Either way, the beauty lies in what's there as well as what's ahead.

The Tree

image

Most things I saw (witnessed, experienced, etc.) in Hawaii simply didn’t need a caption…

Not a verbal blog…

Not a verbal blog...

I have not forgotten about the blog, but merely got a little sidetracked as my creativity has been blossoming. My dining room has been transformed into an art studio (which I love) and I have been sharing my paintings with everyone I know and love. Now, if only I could start selling instead of giving them away! Hah!

Awesomeness!

image image image

Have I mentioned that I met the Dave Matthews Band?

In the coming weeks, something urged me to read a book I had downloaded many months ago but “never got around to reading” – The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.  I guess I had always felt like I had some kind of higher power, yet was never quite sure what it was or where some of my sixth sense sensations were coming from. I really could not have picked a more suitable book. 

On that note, if you do not own a copy of this book, go buy it immediately!

The second book I moved onto was The Intention Experiment By Lynne McTaggart.  It actually came up in my “suggested titles” list after I bought and rated the Secret.  After I read these two books, which somehow seemed to be the perfect combination to my produce my “aha” moment, I was given the confidence and scientific evidence to back by growing theory about myself.   I decided to try it out.  

I had tickets to see the Dave Matthews Band in June of this year. It was my first time sitting front row and they are the only group I have been following for over 10 years- I was stoked. The week of the concert, I had a difficult and emotionally charged Monday. It was raining, I was severely late for work, and I had just had another horrendous fight with husband. I sat in my car and cried as I called my best friend.   I told him that I was going to meet Dave Matthews Band. I wanted it more than anything.

The next day I was invited out to the bar with some friends.  Ok, not really friends, more like “my bartender and her friends”.  You have to remember, I was at a functioning-alcoholic level at this point and I considered my bartenders to be my friends.  Anyway, they brought someone I had never met before and we got to chatting while enjoying the bar scene at one of the local casinos.  At some point during the night, I had declared to them that I was going to meet DMB, proudly and confidently.  This person, who was a stranger to me, mentioned that knew someone who owned space in the hotel where the band was staying that upcoming weekend.  He gave me the name and number of this friend with the insider info, and I called my concert companion the next day to tell her.  Not only was she on-board with getting a hotel room, but she obtained it for free with her travel points!

So fast-forwarding a little here, the concert was beyond amazing.  Standing up at the stage was an out-of-body experience all of it’s own.  We back to the hotel that night and I went out for a drink when she went to bed, as I was too hyped up to sleep.   About an hour later, this guy sits down next to me at the bar.  I am still soaking wet from standing in the rain for so long, with running makeup and yoga pants with hiking shoes on!  I was definitely not looking to attract any positive attention and was surprised by his pleasantness toward me.   Turns out, for some reason, I did not recognize the trumpet player whom I had been watching all night!  By 11 o’clock, the entire band was in the bar, along with their two dozen groupies.  I manifested this unique and rare experience simply by deciding it to be so and putting my thoughts and intentions in the right place. Image

And that was the night that I met with Dave Matthews Band.  One week later, I left for Hawaii, where my experiences continued to evolve, thoughts began to manifest, and my perception/observations grew more bizarre (for lack of a better word) and synchronistic by the day.   

Creation of “The Blog”

I had never thought myself to be a “blogger”.  In fact, I did not enjoy the stigma attached to such a person!  My reasons for initially creating this page were quite ironically not in line with the current nature of my thoughts.  However, the story happens to be an excellent foundation and back-story to my recent self realization.

It was Christmas of 2012 and my husband was taking our two children to Texas for the holiday, where his parents reside.  At this point in our marriage, we had two beautiful little girls and a marriage that I had already prepared to end.   The stresses of our home going into foreclosure, completing my college degree while working and volunteering full time, and still fresh decision to put down our recently adopted-  dog had sent me into a downward spiral of devastation.  During the ten days he was gone, a series of my own terrible decisions regarding alcohol consumption and several “unforeseeable events”, including the demise of our brand new oil furnace, had sent my emotional state to an ultimate low.  I swung violently from missing him to wanting to replace him immediately.  In this miserable and cynical state, I created this blog- with the original purpose of exposing my disgust with the US legal system and government (this will make more sense later on and it’s kinda funny).

By mid January, I felt myself to be in an “unsafe” position, or rather I had a strong feeling that I would take my own life in the coming weeks.  I have been in this position previously, mostly in my adolescent years, but it was difficult for me to admit those thoughts and reach out.  I was ready to end this 15 year struggle with depression, borderline personality, addiction, and all other ailments I had been diagnosed with by some doctor or professional throughout my life.

My husband, being the compassionate and caring man that he is, urged me to call my best friend (more on “Dan- the best friend” in the coming entries) who could always manage to pull me out of my funk.  I was even urged to fly down to see him in Florida for a weekend off from my life.  After several hours on the phone, contemplating the next flight to Orlando, my best friend tells me, “Nadia, you have always been the type of person who can walk into a room and change the energy of everyone in it.  When you are low, you are bringing down the world around you.  When you are in a positive place, everyone knows it because they can feel it radiating from you”. Or something along those lines….

I am hesitant to share this turning point, but mostly because there is a lot you must understand in order to grasp the significance here.  My best friend and I are very close, despite the physical distance.  He has always told me “how it is” and he never sugar-coats anything.  This is the same type of communicator I am and it is something I respect and find very useful in life.  Also, this observation of his had struck me in an odd way because he was never the type of person to consider energy or “vibes” of a person.

Anyway, he soothed me some more and I decided I could stay at home and suck it up a little while longer.  I was in my last semester of undergrad and was eager to wrap it up and take myself on vacation to Hawaii in celebration of my anticipated graduation.  Dan promised to accompany me on this trip, though I didn’t believe he ever actually would, being the workaholic that he is down in Florida.  I sat at home that night with a bottle of wine and a family I felt a strong distaste for… Only now, I was starting to change the way I viewed myself.

And so it began.